Informal guidelines...

[edit: the following post is meant to be taken light-heartedly.This is not a psychology paper or a list of expectations women have for men.I am in no way a sexist person, neither do I intend to generalize or portray men as being half-witted.If you enjoy gibberish, please read on!]

Yeah, I know.It's Valentine's day..."how's it going?", do I hear you enquire?
Doesn't the fact that I'm here reporting my views on my pathetic..err...unique lifestyle give you a slight hint??

OK, I do have a 'valentine'...my sister.Get back on your chair, reader...I have more to say.So, she was the first(and only) one to ask me..so I picked her.Anyways I'm waiting for her to come home...so we can go out or stay in...either way, spend some quality time yacking about everything from over-rated movies to conflicting doctrines.

Agreed, I am not the best person to advice guys on how to treat ladies nice...but is that going to stop me?? *an-all-knowing-grin*

So, you're a guy and you want to be a nice guy...probably even score with the ladies.I know some of you are saying,"not really".That's OK...you will read all the way through anyway...you know you want to.

1) Two-timing:
Take a deep breath. You can't 'see' two girls at once.Yeah, it's true...who knew?? Someone I know is in a dilemma right now coz he has two 'establishments' going...he thought he liked that one, now he likes this one...and can't tell that one that this one is in the picture...you get the drift, right?
And if your next question is,"well, what about 3??", look away, I'm not talking about you.

2)Commenting:
Repeat after me, "Think, then speak". Did you get that? Yeah, ALWAYS a plus.Rude comments are funny only to the guy uttering them. Women don't like to be told that their make-up doesn't suit them...(ex:If she is wearing dark lipstick, you DON'T ask her if she kissed a coal-miner.A HUGE no-no).
Yeah, so psychologists have shown that a guy expresses his fondness for a girl by pulling her hair and making crude remarks about her...but research a little more and you will find they were talking about guys below age 12.
And if you're asking,"So, I can't tell her she looks like a pumpkin when she wears her Orange sweater?".NO."what if it's a really cute pumpkin I'm referring to?".
Did I mention that dimwit questions are a turn-off?

3)Chivalry:
OK dudes,first off,

chiv·al·ry
1. The qualities idealized by knighthood, such as bravery, courtesy, honor, and gallantry toward women.
2. A manifestation of any of these qualities.

Call me crazy, but a good chunk of senoritas like to have doors opened for them.Some of them might deny it, even, but the fact remains.
So, am I asking you to stand up everytime she goes to the ladies' room and raise your hat when you say hello??("but I don't have a hat", "what does ladies' room mean??".At this point I am choosing to ignore people asking these questions, as, clearly they are not the target audience)
Well, not if you don't want to...but just saying the good old 'thank you' and 'please' have become rarities.If you can change that, you should.

4)Listen.Talk:
There is a difference between someone who says "how are you doing?"(or nowadays, the minimal "'sup?") and actually waits for you to answer and someone who doesn't.
Increase your range of interests and your vocabulary, because quite frankly, EVERYONE doesn't like the phrase "RAW IS WAR" and after a while, 'cool', 'hot' and 'whatever' just don't cut it.

5)Be nice to everyone:
I have noticed quite a few times that guys treat that one special girl very well and other people, guys and girls alike, are just blurry shapes to them.
Yeah, it is understandable that he might want to treat her extra-special...but not at the cost of losing out on his existing friendships by cutting them off totally.

Am I saying that guys should treat girls like princesses?? Well, yes!(check the name of this blog!*giggle*edit:this blog was formerly 'The Princess Diaries").But can girls treat guys really badly? Of course not...
My purpose for writing this is to let guys know that there are certain things that are a real turn-off.If this applies to you, good.If it doesn't, you are obviously in denial...ok ok I'm joking.

I guess this means I can't use this as a signature:
'Boys are like lava lamps: fun to look at but not so bright.'

21 Responses to “Informal guidelines...”

  1. # Blogger Shrutz

    Oh.My.God!!
    I LOVED it!! You ARE learning fast, aren't you? *bats eyelashes* It's SOO true and so funny! Lead me to the gentlemen!
    Love the signature you didn't use!  

  2. # Anonymous rosh

    hey... that was fantastic! its always refreshing to see a "woman's" thots on this subject(yeah u knw y i qouted that!) .
    i hope u come up with more of this stuff. and the signature-that was a scream! bye!  

  3. # Anonymous Stargazer

    I'm writing this to take issue with what you have written in your smwhat coloured (biased, if u did not get that) portrayal of men. A wonder no guy asked you to be his "valentine"!

    An all knowing smile should only be given by a person who is wise enough to understand the mening of all-knowing.

    Let's take what you have said apart, shall we.


    1) Two-timing

    This point i actaually agree with. I'll give you that. However, please try to also include in your further comments the fact that many women make it a point ot wrap guy around their fingers just so that they can go to the latest disco or movie for free.


    2) Commenting:

    'Repeat after me,' - Sounds like your trying to train a parrot.

    '"Think, then speak".' - I wonder, does the fact that the majority of the population in the world that
    has an IQ below 75 just happens to be women mean anything to you. In their case, thinking would take
    too long. Guys would have to wait for hours to get even a single response that appears to be an intelliegnt remark.

    Your crack about the behaviour of children as opposed to that of grown men - I suggest that before you make
    a claim about psycology you confirm it. If nothing else please quote a personal experience, if any (which i doubt you have had ) to back it up. Then maybe one will empathise (look that up if you have to) with you.

    One last thing on this section, if you don't want the truth don't ask for it. That is the one thing that is common about all women - they ask for the truth but when they get it they don't want it. (With reference to your pumpkin crack)


    3)Chivalry:

    The female equivalent of the above in a loose sense would be lady-like behaviour, for lack of a better term. This I might add, you have not exhibited in any way.

    Quoting Henry David Thoreau, "The finest qualities of our nature, like the bloom on fruits, can be preserved only by the most delicate handling. Yet we do not treat ourselves nor one another thus
    tenderly."
    It might do you good to follow that.

    Furthermore, in this respect cornering a guy with emotional blackmail is most certainly not lady-like behaviour which it would seem all women have a Ph.D in and are not afraid to put their knowledge to practical use.

    Another thing, if you want us to stand up when you leave the table then say that and not the exact opposite of what you mean. Call guys simple minded but we tend to beleive what is coming out of your mouth and tend not to waste time looking for double meanings in everything people say.


    4)Listen.Talk:

    A guys range of intrests are far more than what you seem to think or more accurately are able to comprehend, hence our reluctance to talk about those topics.


    5)Be nice to everyone:

    Have you heard of an organisation called the NCC which primarily consisted of boys until the women raised a hue and cry about equality. Or maybe given that you are prone to hearing and giving western analogies, have you heard of the boy scouts. These organisations primarily teach 'doing good deeds' which has "Politeness" as its top priority.



    Furthermore, if you can't use Google in a manner that is at least somewhat productive - don't use it, you wasting computer time on their server as all the processing is done there and that time can be put to better use. There is a concept called refining your search, please figure that out. It may help you. If you can't, put out another post and I'll come back and help you.

    Another (geez, don't make it SO easy) point I'd like to point out. All the other blogs on
    your site about bands just happen to be boy bands. I wonder why.

    I know that you are going to raise a ruckus about this response to your opinion but I persoanlly think you deserve it. If a guy had written something similar about women there would be a vast number of responsed stating various quotations about equality and what not. If you think that I'm nitpicking think again, this is equality.  

  4. # Anonymous Stargazer

    By the way, I really would like to hear your response.  

  5. # Blogger Angel

    @shrutz: glad you loved it, babe!^:)^remember, you are queen ;)

    @rosh: great to hear from you!am waiting for your blog to come up too.

    @stargazer: WHOA! this is the longest comment I've ever seen.My post is NOT meant as an attack on guys, it is meant to be humourous.Too bad you couldn't see it.And am glad you checked out the rest of my blog!
    Very rarely has someone questioned my personal life,my beliefs on human rights, my vocabulary, and my googling skills all at the same time.all this considering you don't even know me.
    My reason for blogging is to express what I feel, too bad it's not what you feel.And I more often than not, do that in a way that is intended to be humourous.
    I respect your views.
    That completes my response to you
    beacuse, stargazer..ur comment seemed to be more like a personal attack than the work of a critic.
    mail me if u need to : death2life@gmail.com  

  6. # Blogger Swaroop C H

    Whoa! Hilarious one. You're really taking to blogging, Angel. Keep it up.

    However, one nitpick - please don't generalize! You're portraying all guys as the most dumbest creatures on earth *but* the majority of people I know do not fit your description. If you had said that this applies to 'some' guys, it wouldn't have been as provoking as stargazer and myself felt.

    This is a never-ending classic venus and mars thing. Here's another thing to continue it - I seriously wish _most_ of the women would stop nagging their friends/boyfriends/husbands/etc. , I've seen it so many times and bugs the hell out of me.

    - Swaroop
    www.swaroopch.info  

  7. # Blogger Angel

    @swaroop:I will try to keep it up! :D
    I did not intend to generalize at all...if you have read my other posts...you will notice that I have a habit of (jokingly)exaggerating...
    It is NOT in any way meant to hurt anyone's sentiments.  

  8. # Blogger Amit

    Gosh..whats up with everyone??! The whole point of a blog is that you are given the right to express your views no matter how far out they may be...maybe we're all losing sight of that??...on the other hand, I think Stargazer had a few points..esp. the one about some girls wrapping guys around their little finger..very true..I'm seeing it happen to a lot of my friends and they're all so blind with "love" that they don't know its happening..and i think the point about how girls at times say exactly the opposite of what they actually mean scores too..i believe the whole mess can be cleared if everyone behaved with a little empathy..and started speaking plainly...thats my two cents for all its worth...anyway, that was one very beautiful controversial post..(controversies are always beautiful)..and angel, i did try therapy, but the doctor said i was too far gone and perhaps should spend the rest of my life enjoying the insanity...  

  9. # Anonymous Stargazer

    Your right. It was too much like a personal attack and I went on an uncalled for rampage . I'm sorry for that.
    However you are generalising way too much.  

  10. # Blogger Deppe

    Really enjoyed the post, although I know that I would score dismally on the gentleman scale!  

  11. # Blogger Angel

    @amit: I totally agree with those few points you've mentioned...but being a lady myself, I can only present my side of the story...and I'm glad you(and stargazer) have presented yours.
    btw, this did turn out to be controversial..:P but you did say it was beautiful.(yeah u did, u can't take that back.YAY!)
    Amit, about the therapy, same thing happened here...lol.
    @stargazer:Well, I have considered what you said and added an edit to the post.thanks for taking time and recognising the loopholes.In fact, I could see them only after you mentioned it..thanks for that.
    @Deepak:thanks, dude.Follow my tips...will either get you a girl or get you into trouble!!  

  12. # Blogger jax

    hey angel! rotfl! really good one!! with my chronic 'foot-in-mouth' illness, i score negative points with the 'commenting'.

    i think stargazer's fractured his funny bone. imho, he should take a chill pill before goin to bed;)

    keep it up!  

  13. # Blogger Angel

    @jax:thanx, Jax!! foot-in-the-mouth? YOU??...hard to *cough* imagine!  

  14. # Blogger Vignesh

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.  

  15. # Blogger Vignesh

    Me: But A, these are pearls of wisdom that at many a time, many a guy has followed. But to what end I wonder...
    A: Pray tell, what DO you speak of ?
    Me: Take, for instance, the comment on commenting. Saying, 'My dear lady, that is some fine linen you have on there' these days seems to translate to 'Please take off your pants' in some part of her head. Or for instance, being nice to her and especially her friends translates to 'The prick was totally checking my friend out'. What say you about this nasty issue in translation of the man-speak-semantics to woman-speak ?
    A: Ahhh, young grasshopper, you have much to learn - moderation is the key. Lava lamps, starting where I left off previously, are fun because they are shiny and because they are slow as molasses. Not because they zip around, all too fast and all too bright.
    Me: Zen is me now.  

  16. # Blogger Angel

    @vignesh:LOL!! 'A' seems to be very wise...:P
    moderation IS,in fact, the key!
    psst,btw, I didn't make that sig up.
    check this out  

  17. # Blogger Primalsoup

    LOL! Especially loved that signature! :)  

  18. # Blogger Angel

    @Primalsoup:thanks!me checked out ur blog, was good fun!  

  19. # Blogger Jessie

    Oh, haha, all my guy friends have soooo many problems with #2. Even the guy who likes me pulls my hair all the time. It's soo funny.

    I like this; it's very good and true.  

  20. # Blogger Angel

    thanks, jess!  

  21. # Blogger Ta'fxkz

    I disagree with the coal miner thingy... some girls love it when you seem to think they can actually kiss anything male... the hair pulling and biting too has other effects... what does a guy do when a girl gives him a set of handcuffs and a whip on their first date... I love to treat girls like princesses **croak** they are (may be acting like they are) not surprised and they refuse to believe that i am actually a prince **croak**

    Frankly I like a girl with a really really bad memory, (like a goldfish has a memory span of 14 seconds) that way I can crack the same joke every 14 seconds and have her in splits of laughter….

    1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14

    Frankly I like a girl with a really really bad memory, (like a goldfish has a memory span of 14 seconds) that way I can crack the same joke every 14 seconds and have her in splits of laughter….

    1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14

    Frankly I like a girl with a really really bad memory, (like a goldfish has a memory span of 14 seconds) that way I can crack the same joke every 14 seconds and have her in splits of laughter….

    What kinda relationship advice is this if it does not include the importance of making the other person laugh ???

    Laughing releases the same chemicals in the brain as (you know what don’t you – try googleing it).

    I think being thoughtful, giving gifts (the smaller the better – the more thoughtful the betterest), holding hands…. Meaning just holding hands is a super glue for relationships… plus you should also mention that the guy has to master (or pet) the art of showing a girl that she is physically attractive without showing it… if you know what I mean….

    Wait till I write up some Guidelines for girls

    If the guy rushes to open the door and you realize that he was only in a hurry, don’t give up show him that you like it and if you come with you mute button activated please be understanding that the guy’s clairvoyance (probably is) at the cleaners :)  

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